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| Tuesday, August 31st, 2010 | | 10:04 pm |
Honk
Looks like it's Zsa Zsa "No-more"... What, too soon ? | | Wednesday, August 11th, 2010 | | 1:10 pm |
The end of the world as we know it ?
Hawking recently got on his prophet of doom soap box and told us to get the hell off the planet or we're doomed: http://news.cnet.com/8301-17852_3-20012990-71.htmlBullshit.
The destruction of the human race is not inevitable unless we leave the planet. Especially given the time scales we are talking about. This is just another example of an intelligent man demonstrating the limitations of thinking like a 21st century human rather than a 30th or 40th century one.
Firstly worrying about the planet becoming uninhabitable is extraordinarily short sighted. What about the universe ? that’s going to end one day too. Why isn’t Hawkins worried about us getting the hell off the universe ? Skipping that situation for one moment here’s a few things we could do to stay on earth. 1: Move the planet. If the solar system becomes uninhabitable then lets move earth to another solar system. Why spend the resources and time building giant space arcs when we’re standing on a fully functioning one right now, we’d be better off travelling around the universe on it than trying to recreate it’s technological equivalent. 2: Build a new sun. If the sun is getting too hot, lets get rid of it and build a new one, alternatively lets control and modulate our existing one. Controlling a sun is similar in complexity to faster than light travel, possibly simpler. That should buy us a few extra million years. 3: Leave the universe. We’re currently closer to proving the existence of and working out how to jump between alternative universes. That should be easier than bumbling around in this one and also avoids the niggling inevitability of our current universes own heat death. 4: Reboot the planet. Invent time travel, rewind the universe a few million years and start again. There’s no reason to believe we haven’t already done this several times. Maybe billions of times. 5: Create another universe. This is probably the simplest way round the problem. We’re not currently sure what existence is anyway. Download the planets consciousness into a simulation, infinitely slow down the passage of time within the simulation and let it run down slower than the physical universe. Not only will we last billions of years longer than the physical universe but In all likely hood the simulated humans will have time to come up with solutions we haven’t dreamt of. 6: Die out but convince ourselves we didn’t. This ones really easy. Kill everyone but implant the memory that it never happened. Chances are we might have already done that and who’s to say this current retroactive experience we call life isn’t what existence is anyway ? 7: Tell God to stop it. There’s currently no proof that this whole thing isn’t controlled by someone. Lets contact them and petition them to let the universe continue existing.
8: Lets kill the universe. This ones tricky but lets face it, Hawkings has pretty much made it clear the universe is trying to kill us, and who am I to argue, it's pretty fucking hostile out there. So how about a pre-emptive strike ? It's what we're best at and it's not like we haven't had enough practice. Besides, It's one of the universal truths of humanity that the only way to secure immortality is to face your enemy in battle, destroy it or die trying. So lets kick it's ass. Even if we fail it'll send a decent message to any other universe that tried to mess with our shit. All of these seem just as viable as space arcs which are, lets face it, a pretty primitive solution even by our current standards.
I don't know... maybe I'm just getting a little sick of his defeatist attitude but bugging out seems a little too much like quitting for my tastes. Fuck the universe. Remember the Alamo. | | Saturday, June 19th, 2010 | | 7:15 pm |
...
Is it me or do babies all look like Bill Murray ? | | Tuesday, October 20th, 2009 | | 12:22 pm |
| | Saturday, October 17th, 2009 | | 1:31 am |
Well I never...
I’m sure that most of you are aware that for a variety of reasons brain surgery often takes place while the patient is fully conscious but did you know that until the late 70’s patients were also permitted to smoke during the procedure ? awesome !
| | Friday, October 16th, 2009 | | 6:42 pm |
Giant Crucified Vagina has been Banned!
Message from the Gallery Technician : "15 hours is the official time your work stayed up before being removed from view, the big wigs were taken to see it this morning and though professing to like it, requested it's removel due to it's inappropriate subject matter for a school gallery. They did say it could be just covered over but I took the view, which I thought you may also share, that this gives the impression that we are in some way ashamed of it, rather they ask us to remove it than compromise our artistic integrity. Anyway it is now upstairs in the theatre roof in all it's glory, the funniest scene was when I removed it from the gallery carrying it over my shoulder just like what jesus done all them fictional years ago! News has seemed to spread quite quickly around the campus that there was something in the gallery worth seeing before it was removed, we tried to remove the piece three times, but kept being asked by different members of the art faculty to leave it for a few minutes so they could have a look and take some photos'. So in many respects a success. Hope this is all ok. James P.S. I have left the wooden base and title on top of a plinth where the work used to stand" | | 1:32 am |
Giant crucified Vagina for the Win!
My Giant crucified vagina did pretty well... lots of nice comments. My favorite came about from a couple of German women though: Rat: what did they say ? Lupe: They asked what it was Rat: Isn't it obvious ? Lupe: Not to them. No one was taking a dump on it. | | Wednesday, October 14th, 2009 | | 7:19 pm |
Oh and before I forget
Stephen Gately's autopsy states that the coroner found a small quantity of dried fruit stuffed up his arse... they think the cause of death may have been date rape. | | 6:02 pm |
Fun with physics
Some scientists are suggesting that the Higgs Boson particle might be travelling back in time to sabotage its own creation:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/13/science/space/13lhc.html?_r=3
well ok, not exactly. But it's a fun theory, it boils down to a sort of reverse butterfly effect. 10 years in the future the LHC creates Higgs Boson in a controlled environment but unfortunately it is so abhorrent to all the laws of nature that, through quantum entanglement, it negatively effects the particles responsible for it's own inception which (hit butterfly effect here ) causes an incremental ripple of bad luck to travel back through time ultimately resulting in a technical fault in the machine.
Cool!
| | Sunday, October 4th, 2009 | | 7:50 pm |
Yay for Va-Jay-Jays
Today was spent making a six foot plushy vagina. It's awesome. I'm gash at sewing so the awesome Nikki ran the sewing machine while I handed her the bits and gave usefull commentry like "make sure theres a stuffing hole in the Labia majora" and "I think we need to make the clit bigger" Life is good. | | Thursday, September 24th, 2009 | | 3:21 am |
| | Tuesday, September 15th, 2009 | | 12:40 pm |
| | Wednesday, September 9th, 2009 | | 2:15 am |
Adverts I hate
1: Rowntrees randoms... fuck you monkey socks 2: That one where the kid has lots of pens and the other kid wants a pen but settles for a pen that's also a pencil and then kills the first kid ( except the last bit doesn't happen because that advert sucks ) 3: "We have Noir"... die. 4: The fucking Iams advert with that cat that says he's an Iams cat and then the door bell rings and I always think it's my doorbell but it isn't because it's the fucking Iams advert 5: Actually any advert with a fucking doorbell that makes me think someones at door 6: The one with Stephen fry and Paul Merton. I think it's for insurance or something but who cares, it's just stephen fry and paul merton selling insurance for money. Thanks for killing their credibility insurance company, and thanks fo accepting the cheque Stephen Fry and Paul Merton. 7: 20p is not worth singing about... even if you are black. 8: "they're real lawyers" as opposed to all those fake lawyers I keep finding in cereal packets. 9: Dear pot noodle. How piss off your consumer base. 1: Identify your demographic. 2: Identify their interests. 3: Rip off flight of the conchords. ( Lupe would like to point of that FOTC does nothing for him... but he hates pot noodles too so I guess it equals out ) 10: "we have Noir" ( yeah so it's in their twice but screw it, I hope someone got fired for that clusterfuck ) | | Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009 | | 1:50 am |
plink
Sorry for the lack of updates... but... well... There's a story coming. it's a doozy. Can't talk about it right now because that might screw it up and screwing it up would mean some pretty bad shit, but however it plays out, there's a story coming. And it's pretty damn funny. L. x | | Monday, January 5th, 2009 | | 11:08 am |
Report from the council of "no one being surprised whatsoever " Rupert Murdoch’s an idiot.
New years resolution. start blogging again.
It'll come as no surprise to anyone that Fox news have discovered yet another way to make themselves sound like the retarded inbred cousin of an actual news outlet.
Ladies and Gentlemen introducing the "Homicide bomber"
Apparently, a recent focus group for the ministry of making Fox just a little tiny bit more conservative than your average flag waving, gun toting, black burning, bible bashing red neck Klan member, decided that "Suicide bomber" really didn't emphasise the Homicidal aspect of blowing people up to their satisfaction.
Go figure.
Now I know that one or two of you who dabble in the English language may be saying to yourselves, isn't calling a bombing homicidal just a tad redundant ? Doesn't the fact that it's a bomb and that it's going off in a public place with the intent of killing people sort of already make it homicidal ?
Apparently not. According to Fox news the point of the phrase "Homicide bomber" is to really emphasise the homicidal aspect of the bombing over any pertinent information, like, for example, the fact that the bomber felt so strongly about the situation that they chose to commit suicide.
See what they did there ? they took the useful information out of the phrase and replaced it with information that was already implied in the word "bomber" It's sort of like adding value except completely the opposite and with extra dumbass.
Of course, despite what they claim, Fox hasn't made this change for anything as noble as linguistic comprehension. That would suggest they had a soul or something. No, Fox has done this to ruffle a few feathers amongst the woolly liberal pinko lefty tree hugging brigade. It's designed simply to piss off democrats. But seriously, you're preaching to the converted, they already hate your guts, did you really have to piss on the news to make your point ? Of course the irony of the situation, no doubt lost on Rupert Murdoch’s neophytes is that by removing the suicide aspect they have shifted the focus away from the arseholes who are going round convincing dumb kids that blowing themselves up for Islam is a really rocking way to get into heaven, and shifted it back to their actual goal which is blowing up Palestinians. But who gives a crap about that when we can piss off some hippies ? Go team ! | | Tuesday, May 20th, 2008 | | 4:02 pm |
| | Wednesday, May 14th, 2008 | | 1:39 pm |
Scooby Doo
Tales from the library: Upstairs we have a series of five small rooms, each about the size of a walk in closet. Students can get a key from us and lock themselves in. Little private study rooms. These are very popular and by about 11:00 most are booked out for the day. All except room 1. Room 1 is always the last to go, if it goes at all. If you offer it to a student they will always ask if there are any others. If there aren’t they’ll often decide to work somewhere else rather than use room 1. Unlike the other rooms, room one is the furthest room on the left. it’s left hand wall is just a ingle sheet of glass looking out over the two storey drop that makes up the central hallway of the library. If you sit in room 1, not only can everyone see you, but you can see the drop. It’s quite unpleasant. This, it was assumed, was the reason no one wanted to use room 1. Assumed That is until about 10 minutes ago Old Asian Student: Hi, can I have the key to one of the study rooms ? Lupe: sure… Only room one left I’m afraid Student: Oh… no I don’t want room one Lupe: ok. No one ever does. Student. Of course not. The ghost. Lupe: what ? Student: there’s a ghost in room one. He watches you and sometimes touches you. Especially the girls. All students know about the ghost. You should close that room. It’s bad. Lupe: er… Student: I’ll just work down here. So there you have it. Apparently this three year old building is haunted. Cool! | | Monday, May 12th, 2008 | | 10:42 am |
| | Sunday, May 11th, 2008 | | 11:29 pm |
what's wrong with corporations today ?
I was part of a corporate focus group on Friday. We were looking at customer service via telephone helpdesks. They asked us to write down what we want and expect when we call a company with a question regarding an account.
I decided to take it seriously.
I said I wanted the phone answered within three rings. There should be a person at the end of it who knew the answer to my question and / or did exactly what I said. If there were other parties that needed contacting regarding my query then it was their job to talk to them and sort it out. I wanted complete respect and dedication to solving my problem. I wanted to be able to wake the CEO up at 3am to get the thing sorted out if I wanted to. I wanted the name of who I was talking to and their direct phone number so I could follow up my query whenever I felt like it knowing that the same person would be dealing with it. I wanted them to realise that they worked for me and to do absolutely anything I said regardless of their own opinion.
It's what I want. When I phone my bank, my insurance, my local MP. Its what I want.
We then spent the rest of the meeting discussing how we would never be able to provide that service to our clients and finding ways to make sure we woul never have to.
That's whats wrong with corporations today.
| | Sunday, May 4th, 2008 | | 12:59 pm |
Lupe Negotiates with Pikeys
Lupe: Hi... er... your vans have been parked outside my house for two days now... when are they moving ? Pikey: Er, oi, well y'see n' all that... Lupe: Your van won't be there tomorrow. Pikey: Well y'see n' all... Lupe: That wasn't a question. The Pikeys have left the arena. |
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